The Literary Hulk

June 20, 2022 / 0 Comments

I have a casual approach to reading. I view ‘hot takes’ as someone’s perfectly valid opinion, and I generally don’t care if someone likes a book that I did not or can’t stand a book I enjoyed. So you could say I’m mild-mannered when it comes to literature.

But then I see something that makes my reader mind angry. And you wouldn’t like me when my reader mind gets angry.

A sad looking Bruce Banner is walking - the hulk looms behind him. You can almost hear the sad piano music playing.

For example:

Mild Mannered Cheryl is surfing the web and generally being a nice person overall when she stumbles across the following quote:


You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret,.. All the best people are! - Lewis Carroll. (note from Cheryl, this quote is entirely WRONG)

Cheryl’s eyes are turning green but she’s trying to quell the deep rage inside and so she types:

“Hey, um, I’m sorry to be ‘that person’ but Alice in Wonderland was my favorite childhood book. and I’ve pretty much had it memorized since age nine. That quote is from the Tim Burton movie, not the book.”

Random person: “I don’t care. it’s still a good quote though. It could have been in the book.”

Cheryl’s fingers are shaking, there’s a distinct rip of cloth. This may be the start of hulking out, or perhaps that she ate too many tacos at a get-together recently. Either way it spells bad news.

“Yeah, no it couldn’t have been. It was not. in. the. book. It was written by a screenwriter who did not write Alice in Wonderland and is NOT Lewis Carroll.”

Random person: “Who cares? “

There’s no going back now, the Literary Hulk has been released.

Mild mannered Bruce Wayne is transforming into the Hulk much like mild-mannered Cheryl Z does when someone destroys her favorite childhood book.

Literary Hulk: LEWIS CARROL NO WROTE THIS!! THIS FROM STUPID MOVIE! DUMB DUMB MOVIE WHICH SCREW EVERYTHING UP. HATE DEPP HATTER AND BIG HEAD QUEEN. QUOTE NOT FROM DUMB MOVIE!!

Random person: Um…

Hulk: SMAAAASSSSHHHHH!

Random person runs away in terror – or at least stops engaging with Cheryl online. And soon after, things settle down and all is well. At least until someone doesn’t understand that Queen of Hearts and the Red Queen aren’t the same person.

Then…*clothes rip, bones stretch, brain explodes*

Literary Hulk: TWO DIFFERENT CHARACTERS IN TWO DIFFERENT BOOKS. STUPID HUMANS RUIN EVERYTHING. SMASSSSSH!

The hulk eventually disappears, things calm down. I walk down a road while sad piano music plays…

Mild Mannered Cheryl: “Okay, I think we’re okay now.”

Random person: “I want a love like Romeo and Juliet’s.”

Cheryl: “Oh no…”

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