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Writer Math
I hate math.
I know a lot of people do, but I absolutely loathe it. Math classes were always torture for me and the only time I got a good grade was in calculus in college when I received an A-. How did I do that? Well I was failing the entire semester but we had a school-wide final exam – where if you got an A in that, the lowest grade they could give you was an A-. That also meant that if you were getting an A in the class thus far, and bombed the final exam – you could fail the entire class.
Thinking of those people who studied hard all year. Suckers.
I passed because I got fired from my retail job right before spring break which meant that I had the entire week to study for the final, and somehow one day while watching Howling 5 and drinking Cherry Diet Coke I taught myself derivatives. I’m not joking. Howling 5 saved my grade point average.
By the way, there is an appalling lack of Howling V: The Rebirth animated GIFs out there so here, have some classic Lon Chaney Jr.
There’s one type of math, I’m good at though. Writer Math.
What is writer math? Well, it’s when you look at the number of stories you’ve written and calculate how many have been sold. It’s when you check your submission and mentally determine your odds by seeing how many other writers submitted to the same market on The Submission Grinder. It’s seeing how many words you have to add to your 1753 word story to get it to reach 2,000 because that’s what an anthology requires.
I do writer math – a lot. One of my favorite forms though – is seeing how many submissions I’ve had, how many stories I’ve written and how many have been sold, rejected, pending etc. For example in 2021 I have:
17 total submissions
- 2 acceptances
- 11 rejections
- 4 pending
Yeah I don’t submit much (ignore my laziness here) – but that means I have an acceptance rate of 12% which isn’t bad. In fact since I first started submitting in late 2018, my overall acceptance is close to that percentage overall. See what I mean? When it comes to writing stats, all of a sudden I’m a mathematical genius.
Well I can do very basic elementary school calculations anyways.
The thing is, it doesn’t matter. Whether I got 2 acceptances out of 300 submissions or 12, no one is going to care. And I highly doubt an editor would be swayed by numbers. “Well, the story sucked but just look at her percentages – maybe we give the kid a chance.”
I picture a surly editor with a cigar in his/her/their mouth in that scenario. Don’t ask why.
I don’t know why I’m so obsessed with numbers when it’s the words I should be caring about. But I guess it’s a fun way to learn I don’t absolutely suck at math – and if I need a refresher, well, there’s always my Howling 5/Diet Coke study method to fall back on, I guess.
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The 100 Rejection Myth
Rejection sucks.
When I first started submitting short stories a couple of years ago, I knew they would happen (see my previous post on being a reject) but of course I don’t like them. However, they’re inevitable so to prepare myself I read blogs and insights from other writers and there was one bit of advice I saw time and time again.
Aim for 100 rejections. Not acceptances. Rejections.
WHY? If rejections suck, why are they your main goal? Shouldn’t you celebrate good things? What do you do when you reach that target? Print out the rejections and wear them like a shroud? Whine to friends, family and strangers that no one understands your art? Eat a pound of fudge and cry while watching the Mano: Hands of Fate episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 for the millionth time? I mean, I was going to do that last one anyways, but it’s always good when I have a reason.
Okay I should probably say that I haven’t even come close to 100 submissions yet overall and as a somewhat lazy person, it may take me a couple of years to get to the oft-touted 100 rejections, so perhaps that’s why I’m so cynical. Full disclosure, I’m actually more of a hobbyist than a serious writer. But I still don’t see the point.
Also full disclosure, I had to write hobbyist about 10 times because my fingers and Autocorrect conspired against me to write ‘hobbit’. I have no reason to add this but I just found it funny.
I want a second breakfast now.
So instead of aiming for 100 rejections, what should your writing goal be? Well, that’s up to the individual and as someone who can barely keep their houseplants alive, I’m not sure I should be giving advice to anyone about anything. However, I came up with some ideas anyways:
- Celebrate each acceptance (that one’s a given).
- Aim for submissions, not rejections. That means you’re trying at least.
- Eat a cookie of your choice every time you receive a personal note/feedback from the editor. Those babies are the golden tickets of the writing world and they’re awfully hard to come by.
- Eat a cookie anyways. They are happy-inducing.
And here’s what else you should probably start doing:
- Realizing you’re doing math and math sucks.
- Don’t focus on the negative. Work on your self-esteem, you jerk.
- Try not to compare yourself to others. Each writer will have their ups and downs and EVERYONE get rejections.
- Understand you are not a rejection letter. You are a writer. Even if a piece remains unpublished, you wrote that and no one can take it away from you.
Now I’m not going to criticize those who give or follow the 100 rejection advice, after all it’s subjective. All I’m asking is for you to try and stay positive in your writing journey and get your head out of the stats game once in awhile.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have fudge and MST3K waiting. No, I didn’t receive a rejection. It’s just Tuesday.
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The Heartless Bastard
Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve been dumped. Abandoned. Hung up and left to dry. Oh sure, he and I have had our tense moments, our ups and downs, and he usually comes back. But this time he’s been gone too long.
Yes, it’s true. I’ve been dumped by Creativity.
It’s not like he’s never left before. We’ve had our falling outs. Nights of anger where he steadfastly refused to give me any inspiration. Times where I swore angrily at the computer screen, spitting chardonnay in every direction (and yes writers, invest in screen wipes, trust me on this). But this time he’s been gone for months.
I’m pretty sure he hasn’t left me for another because, from what I hear on the writer street, everyone’s creativity has run off. Social unrest, horrible politics and oh yeah, that pesky global pandemic that won’t go away are causing mass panic which ultimately drives creativity away. Still, although I’ve sympathized with many other writers, it still doesn’t hurt any less.
I’m still holding out hope for the dog to come crawling back. I mean, just by writing the first blog post I have in months, means there’s still hope for a reunion, right? But just in case, I have a back-up plan.
I’m going to grab that heartless bastard and bring him back to me. Honey, hell hath no fury like a writer scorned – especially when that writer is strung out on stress, wine and Skinny Pop popcorn.
So look out Creativity, cause when I find you again…you are MINE.
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The Internal Censor
I haven’t been writing like I should but a few months ago I took a look at a short story written several years ago and decided it needed a overhaul. It turns out I had totally wimped out on the ending and the story had to go to a really dark place in order to be complete. So I bit the bullet, finished it and submitted it to an anthology.
It was just rejected. I breathed a sigh of relief.
I know RIGHT? That goes against everything a writer should want. I should be begging the submission gods for an acceptance. I should build a shrine and sacrifice…something. But not animals or babies. We writers are a sensitive bunch. Which brings me to why I was hoping it didn’t get accepted.
It’s gross.
No seriously. The story was straight up disgusting. It involved doing things to a human being that were cruel and ironically, inhumane. It involved cannibalism. It also had a mental illness end plot which probably would have triggered a few people. Oh and yes there was torture, because why not? Oh and had it been accepted, it would have been published under my real name. I don’t use a pen name. I don’t WANT to use a pen name. I write my awful stories. I OWN that shit. But then I started to think about how it might be viewed by the people closest to me.
You see, I now have a Facebook page for my writing and a lot of my followers are family and friends. Some have started reading the few short stories I have out. I love these people. I want them to know I’m not a serial killer or some sort of sick freak but just a horror movie girl who happens to write twisted things because her imagination goes there.
So sometimes I censor my imagination, I pull back from what I’m capable of because I don’t want to rock the boat. The funny thing is most of what I don’t always write disgusting things. In fact, most of my writing contains no gore at all. But internal censorship comes in many forms. I would worry that my stories were too weird, too odd, too silly etc. But during the few moments of ‘writing lucidity’ where I realize I’m doing this, I stop. I think about the story I want to tell. And I can tell you, it’s a great feeling to embrace the crazy.
So here’s the question I put out to you. If you’re a writer, are you guilty of this? And how do you overcome it? If you’re a reader, has something you read ever colored your opinion of a writer (in fiction only)?
Feel free to comment. I’m interested to know.
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I’m a Reject – and That’s Cool
You know what’s tougher than Jason Statham, bigger than Kanye West’s ego and stronger than the smell of Axe Body Spray? A writer’s ability to handle rejection. Or at least it should be.I knew, even before I started submitting, that rejections were going to be the norm. I lurk around on writer twitter, I read the blogs. I know the score. There’s a ton of writers out there and they all want to be published and there’s only so many spots to go around. It’s as simple as that.
Now admittedly I’m somewhat new at submitting and with a little over 30 submissions so far (as of this writing) I’ve had a handful of acceptances but over 3 times as many rejections and I expect to receive many more. But I’m proud of every rejection I receive because it means that after years of not trying, I tried. And the truth is, I’ve gotten some mighty nice rejections, even the form ones. A couple said I was close, most asked me to submit again in the future, some even said they hoped my story finds a home. That kind of form rejection takes the sting out of it.
Now I know editors are professional and these would never happen, but sometimes my imagination tends to run a bit wild. So by comparison, here are the rejections I EXPECTED to receive.
- Dear Author, we have teamed up with words to file a class action lawsuit against you and have also obtained a restraining order.
- Dear Author, we attempted to download your story from the cloud and it started raining.
- Dear Resident, with regards to your creative writing skills, have you considered cost-managerial accounting as a viable career choice?
- MY GOD WOMAN, WHO HURT YOU?
My imagination, as you can probably tell, relies heavily on derisive humor and snark. It’s a design flaw.
Now I remember reading a blog post or two that said you should aim for 100 rejections. I don’t believe in that. First of all, I don’t think
submitting should be a numbers game, throwing stuff everywhere to see if it sticks. Secondly, I’m proud of my rejections but I don’t think you should celebrate them. They don’t deserve a party. They should sit at home miserable and alone like the rest of us – I mean, other people. Of course, other people.
Sidenote: I tried to find interesting stock photos of someone alone and sad and all Google image search came up with was silhouetted people against setting suns. How can you be miserable when you’re at the beach and there’s a gorgeous sunset?
Anyways..here’s to us rejects. We tried. And we’ll try again. Because writers are pretty damn tough – at least when we’re safely tucked away behind our keyboards.
And while you’re here, do you have a rant, vent, rejection story, or a bunch of profanities you’d like to share? Tell me below.