• What I’ve Learned from 100 Submissions

    I just made it to the big 1-0-0 everyone! No I’m not that old yet. 100 submissions. Lifetime. And by lifetime, I mean since late 2018 when I first started sending them out in earnest. I know, I know. What can I say? I’m lazy. But somehow I made it to 100.

    It all started with one submission several years ago…

    Picture it Sicily, 1922

    Actually it was 2015. Someone I followed on Twitter announced they were looking for stories for an upcoming anthology. I submitted one, my first submission ever. It was accepted and gave me my very first story writing credit. I then proceeded not to submit a single thing until almost four years later because of the aforementioned laziness. But after I actually started to, you know, submit things, I gained a little insight into writing and the submission process.

    Here’s what I learned after reaching 100 submissions:

    Write for yourself. To be honest, one of the reasons I didn’t submit for three years after my initial acceptance was i didn’t believe in my stories. They didn’t fit a specific genre. They were too silly, or not scary enough, or too weird or…you get the picture.

    So eventually I took a look at all the half-finished stories and wrote whatever the hell I felt like. You know what? They started to get accepted. One of my first paid-for pieces was even about a writer writing and you’re NEVER supposed to do that and I got away with it. You have a story in your head, that no one else can tell. It belongs to you. Write it down.

    Do as your told. You’re a writer rebel. A loner. No one can tame your words. But if you don’t follow the submission guidelines, you’re going to end up at the top of the rejection list. That means if they ask for your story to be put in Comic Sans in purple font, that’s what you give them. They’ll never do that by the way. Please don’t do that.

    You’re going to be rejected Rejection sucks! I know. Before I even started submitting I was a lurker and I heard the rejection horror stories. Writers online chatting out they sent out dozens and dozens of submissions and got maybe one acceptance. It’s just the way things are. Some places receive hundreds of submissions and there’s only so many spots to go around. Don’t take it personally.

    Cover letters are awful. I’ve looked back at some of the old cover letters I wrote and I’m surprised I ever got anything published at all. They contained so much ass-kissing it was like a donkey make-out party. So instead of telling markets how wonderful they are, I’ve been keeping my cover letters as boring as possible. Here’s my name, here’s my story, here’s where I’ve been published. And if anybody has any tips for me, let me know. I hate writing these things.

    Read it out loud. Think you have that story ready to go? Yeah right. 5 minutes after sending, you’ll look it over and notice you changed a character’s name three times, their hair color twice and suddenly they’re gender fluid. Know what helps? Reading it out loud. You’ll catch a ton of issues, even typos. Just don’t do it in a coffee shop on a busy Saturday afternoon. Don’t ask me how I know this.

    Numbers don’t matter. Because we all know how much writers love math, right? I found myself trying to look up the average stats on the web the other day and thank god I had 100 submissions because it made the math easy. I had 12 acceptances (12% acceptance rate). Is that good? Bad? Am I just (shudder) average?

    The truth is, it doesn’t matter. If you’re sending your stories to super high-tier places like The Dark, Uncanny and Diabolical Plots, you’re going to have a much smaller acceptance rate (if any acceptances at all.) If you have a lot of simultaneous submissions, your rejection rate is going to be higher. And absolutely NO editor will ever care about how many rejections you’ve gotten. Only if they like your story or not.

    I guess what I’ve learned after 100 submissions is I like to write. And you there, if you’re submitting, keep at it. Submitted means you committed. And damn it, taking that leap is the hardest part of all.

  • Writer Math

    I hate math.

    I know a lot of people do, but I absolutely loathe it. Math classes were always torture for me and the only time I got a good grade was in calculus in college when I received an A-. How did I do that? Well I was failing the entire semester but we had a school-wide final exam – where if you got an A in that, the lowest grade they could give you was an A-. That also meant that if you were getting an A in the class thus far, and bombed the final exam – you could fail the entire class.

    Thinking of those people who studied hard all year. Suckers.

    I passed because I got fired from my retail job right before spring break which meant that I had the entire week to study for the final, and somehow one day while watching Howling 5 and drinking Cherry Diet Coke I taught myself derivatives. I’m not joking. Howling 5 saved my grade point average.

    By the way, there is an appalling lack of Howling V: The Rebirth animated GIFs out there so here, have some classic Lon Chaney Jr.

    There’s one type of math, I’m good at though. Writer Math.

    What is writer math? Well, it’s when you look at the number of stories you’ve written and calculate how many have been sold. It’s when you check your submission and mentally determine your odds by seeing how many other writers submitted to the same market on The Submission Grinder. It’s seeing how many words you have to add to your 1753 word story to get it to reach 2,000 because that’s what an anthology requires.

    I do writer math – a lot. One of my favorite forms though – is seeing how many submissions I’ve had, how many stories I’ve written and how many have been sold, rejected, pending etc. For example in 2021 I have:

    17 total submissions

    • 2 acceptances
    • 11 rejections
    • 4 pending

    Yeah I don’t submit much (ignore my laziness here) – but that means I have an acceptance rate of 12% which isn’t bad. In fact since I first started submitting in late 2018, my overall acceptance is close to that percentage overall. See what I mean? When it comes to writing stats, all of a sudden I’m a mathematical genius.

    Well I can do very basic elementary school calculations anyways.

    The thing is, it doesn’t matter. Whether I got 2 acceptances out of 300 submissions or 12, no one is going to care. And I highly doubt an editor would be swayed by numbers. “Well, the story sucked but just look at her percentages – maybe we give the kid a chance.”

    I picture a surly editor with a cigar in his/her/their mouth in that scenario. Don’t ask why.

    I don’t know why I’m so obsessed with numbers when it’s the words I should be caring about. But I guess it’s a fun way to learn I don’t absolutely suck at math – and if I need a refresher, well, there’s always my Howling 5/Diet Coke study method to fall back on, I guess.

  • The 100 Rejection Myth

    Rejection sucks.

    When I first started submitting short stories a couple of years ago, I knew they would happen (see my previous post on being a reject) but of course I don’t like them. However, they’re inevitable so to prepare myself I read blogs and insights from other writers and there was one bit of advice I saw time and time again.

    Aim for 100 rejections. Not acceptances. Rejections.

    WHY? If rejections suck, why are they your main goal? Shouldn’t you celebrate good things? What do you do when you reach that target? Print out the rejections and wear them like a shroud? Whine to friends, family and strangers that no one understands your art? Eat a pound of fudge and cry while watching the Mano: Hands of Fate episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 for the millionth time? I mean, I was going to do that last one anyways, but it’s always good when I have a reason.

    Okay I should probably say that I haven’t even come close to 100 submissions yet overall and as a somewhat lazy person, it may take me a couple of years to get to the oft-touted 100 rejections, so perhaps that’s why I’m so cynical. Full disclosure, I’m actually more of a hobbyist than a serious writer. But I still don’t see the point.

    Also full disclosure, I had to write hobbyist about 10 times because my fingers and Autocorrect conspired against me to write ‘hobbit’. I have no reason to add this but I just found it funny.

    I want a second breakfast now.

    So instead of aiming for 100 rejections, what should your writing goal be? Well, that’s up to the individual and as someone who can barely keep their houseplants alive, I’m not sure I should be giving advice to anyone about anything. However, I came up with some ideas anyways:

    • Celebrate each acceptance (that one’s a given).
    • Aim for submissions, not rejections. That means you’re trying at least.
    • Eat a cookie of your choice every time you receive a personal note/feedback from the editor. Those babies are the golden tickets of the writing world and they’re awfully hard to come by.
    • Eat a cookie anyways. They are happy-inducing.

    And here’s what else you should probably start doing:

    • Realizing you’re doing math and math sucks.
    • Don’t focus on the negative. Work on your self-esteem, you jerk.
    • Try not to compare yourself to others. Each writer will have their ups and downs and EVERYONE get rejections.
    • Understand you are not a rejection letter. You are a writer. Even if a piece remains unpublished, you wrote that and no one can take it away from you.

    Now I’m not going to criticize those who give or follow the 100 rejection advice, after all it’s subjective. All I’m asking is for you to try and stay positive in your writing journey and get your head out of the stats game once in awhile.

    Now if you’ll excuse me, I have fudge and MST3K waiting. No, I didn’t receive a rejection. It’s just Tuesday.

  • I’m a Reject – and That’s Cool

    You know what’s tougher than Jason Statham, bigger than Kanye West’s ego and stronger than the smell of Axe Body Spray? A writer’s ability to handle rejection. Or at least it should be.

    I knew, even before I started submitting, that rejections were going to be the norm. I lurk around on writer twitter, I read the blogs. I know the score. There’s a ton of writers out there and they all want to be published and there’s only so many spots to go around. It’s as simple as that.

    Now admittedly I’m somewhat new at submitting and with a little over 30 submissions so far (as of this writing) I’ve had a handful of acceptances but over 3 times as many rejections and I expect to receive many more. But I’m proud of every rejection I receive because it means that after years of not trying, I tried. And the truth is, I’ve gotten some mighty nice rejections, even the form ones. A couple said I was close, most asked me to submit again in the future, some even said they hoped my story finds a home. That kind of form rejection takes the sting out of it.

    Now I know editors are professional and these would never happen, but sometimes my imagination tends to run a bit wild. So by comparison, here are the rejections I EXPECTED to receive.

    • Dear Author, we have teamed up with words to file a class action lawsuit against you and have also obtained a restraining order.
    • Dear Author, we attempted to download your story from the cloud and it started raining.
    • Dear Resident, with regards to your creative writing skills, have you considered cost-managerial accounting as a viable career choice?
    • MY GOD WOMAN, WHO HURT YOU?

    My imagination, as you can probably tell, relies heavily on derisive humor and snark. It’s a design flaw.

    Now I remember reading a blog post or two that said you should aim for 100 rejections. I don’t believe in that. First of all, I don’t think submitting should be a numbers game, throwing stuff everywhere to see if it sticks. Secondly, I’m proud of my rejections but I don’t think you should celebrate them. They don’t deserve a party. They should sit at home miserable and alone like the rest of us – I mean, other people. Of course, other people.

    Sidenote: I tried to find interesting stock photos of someone alone and sad and all Google image search came up with was silhouetted people against setting suns. How can you be miserable when you’re at the beach and there’s a gorgeous sunset?

    Anyways..here’s to us rejects. We tried. And we’ll try again. Because writers are pretty damn tough – at least when we’re safely tucked away behind our keyboards.

    And while you’re here, do you have a rant, vent, rejection story, or a bunch of profanities you’d like to share? Tell me below.