The Not-So-Cool Apocalypse

I’ve been on Twitter way too much lately. I’ve been reading every post on Facebook and even (god help me) the comments underneath. I’ve been watching the news before work and after work and also reading online articles.

The good thing is I know what’s going on in the world. The bad thing is I KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON IN THE WORLD. And everything I see leads me to only one conclusion.

The thing is, I thought the end of the world was going to come in some sort of brazen, glorious way. Of course, there’d be a couple ragtag groups of survivors – one of them good, the other evil and there’d be a constant war between them where good would emerge victorious. I mean, this is what television, books, and movies have led me to believe and why would they lie to me?

But noooo. Instead of a proper badass ending, we get people taking supplies from the medical professionals who need it, hoarding meat products, eggs, and toilet paper and generally being obnoxious a-holes.

This was not the cool apocalypse I envisioned.

I thought at least there might be some sort of burning fire that rained down from the heavens and engulfed the planet until all that is left is a mere whiff of ozone and some discarded gordita wrappers. Or at least, a dystopian desert wasteland where we’re all driving kick-ass trucks with spikes on sides and baby doll heads on the front. Oh, and we’d all be Australian in that scenario. Naturally.

But the thing is, none of us are Mad Max/Fury Road warriors. We are not hardcore killers. We are not brave. Not only do we not kick ass, we spend a good time sitting on ours. We are the type of people who pull groin muscles after reaching for the remote while eating a Hostess Twinkie and watching The Walking Dead in our underwear. In other words, we are normal people trying to make the best of an abnormal situation.

So this is a quick post to say, be nice to each other. Be kind. Be good to all the service workers who can’t take time off. But most of all, stay inside and safe because what could possibly happen to you inside?

Okay I’m not helping. Shut up Cheryl.

All’s I’m saying is if you’re going to be one of the ragtag survivors, join the “good” group okay? Take the time to check on the elderly, don’t be a jerk at the grocery store, wash your hands and for god’s sake stop touching your face.

Thank you.